I meant to post this last week, but I guess I was too depressed to do so. Basically, I really felt crappy last weekend...more specifically Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Mike and Michelle's visit slapped a trout of perspective back to me.

The thing is, Mike and Michelle came up to visit FSJ along their way to camping, and God bless their hearts to find the time for me to cook for them. It was really a joy to actually cook for someone outside of my family. Not to say cooking for complete complete strangers, but people who you might value more of an opinion of when it's outside the confines of unconditional love that is part of the family.

The thing is, after they left to visit other people and such, that is when I think sub-conciously the slap-in-the-face/wake-the-fuck-up reality came in. Despite my calm and cool in residing in FSJ for the past 1.5 years.....I've cracked because of Mike and Michelle's visit. I felt seriously empty after they left, and hell, I was still pretty damned hungry after I cooked for them (although I wonder if they were hungry as well afterwards?).

The reality is, I am still in FSJ. Denial, calm, taking it in stride, it doesn't fucking change the fact that I am still here. All these pretentious attempts to be more community active is nothing more than me trying to search a part of Vancouver in here. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. FSJ is a good town to a certain degree and by all means is growing and is positive. But still, the reality is that I had my fill of it.

I don't fit in this city and to tell the truth, I think I don't fit in Vancouver either. But to take the lesser of two evils I would have to take Vancouver or some other big city.